


Doctor & Rose & More

by JeanFi



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, TARDIS - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-10 21:11:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1164566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanFi/pseuds/JeanFi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doctor finally shows Rose his love without words only to have to let go.  Will he always be alone, or is there one who will always be with him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doctor & Rose & More

Dr. Who & Rose.  
  
  
“Well and then there’s the baby,” Rose wipes a tear and smiles.  
“You’re…not?” his dark eyes go wide in shock.  
    Although holding onto this moment, his mind flashes back to a few months ago that could answer this question with a positive.  A positive could be a blessing and a curse at exactly the same time for them….  
  
  _Flying through time and space has left emotions in a tangled mess.  Rose has tried to fight it as long as possible, but she knows she will never find anyone else.  She’s fought it because he has that ‘hero’ quality to him that makes him so alluring.  Are her emotions just all infatuation and childish?  Sitting in her room wrapped up in a quilt that could have come from anywhere or any time she knows that he has probably loved before and will again, but he’s not frivolous and that makes this all that much more complex and devastating._  
  
 _Staring into the depths of his dear TARDIS’s heart, he leans heavily on the console.  He has loved and lost before yet only a few knew he loved them like this.  It’s a curse to love a human.  Love is a curse for him no matter the species, who is he kidding!  There are no others of his kind and thus…his fate is sealed with loneliness.  He sighs heavily and throws another silent cuss out there.  Part of him just wants to die, but there is a duty for him to perform.  It sucks being honorable sometimes._  
 _As much as he tries to be ‘go-lucky’ and ‘fancy free‘, it’s a fallacy for even himself.  He knows that when Rose’s time comes, he will be crushed.   This next time, he just may not survive.  Both hearts will break.  His head hangs in despair.  As much as he should be living in the present, he is dreading his own future._  
  
 _Rose hears the sigh from her open door.  Something is troubling her Doctor.  She has a duty as his companion to be a comfort and a friend.  As much as he has been ‘happy and go lucky’ she has seen his ethics and his pain.   It can’t be easy being a lifeform that is the last of a species and out lives his human companions.  He hides it from her, most of the time, by burying it under adventure and fun with that boyish smile.   Yet under it all is a very passionate and honorable mature man.  He deserves a better life.  Fate has been cruel to him._  
 _Wrapping the quilt around herself, silently makes her way to the main room.  What she sees before her is enough to worry anyone.  Leaning over the console with a hung head, he is whispering something to his dear TARDIS, after all She has been his most faithful of all companions.  “I can’t do this any more.  It hurts to breathe.  It hurts to dream.  It hurts to be…”_  
 _Rose slides up the steps and comes up behind him.   Wrapping her arms around his waist, presses her cheek to his back.  His body deeply inhales feeling sudden warmth wrapped around him.  Sudden silent warmth.  She is saying nothing else other than to cling to him this moment in time. Neither moves just feeling the warmth and companionship the other is giving.  Even TARDIS seems to have gone still stilling time for them._  
 _Finally he takes a hand off his constant companion to lay one over his current one.  Spreading her fingers, his slip between them and she pinches hers shut to crimp them to his waist. She isn’t letting him retreat this time.  His breath is shaky as he inhales her comfort.  Neither says anything.  He needs to feel her, she needs him to feel her._  
  
 _Finally he knows he needs to move and do something.  Anything.  Lifting his hand from the console, he also lifts his hand from the waist just enough so that he can turn in her embrace and face her.  Wrapped up in this quilt, he can see she tried to bed down but failed.  There’s no make up on her face only red puffy rings and a rubbed nose.  He knows she has been feeling it too.  A forbidden feeling.  A heart breaking emotion._  
 _A long fingered hand pans over her cheek.  Once, twice…it won’t be enough. Down the hand comes a third time and cups under her chin to hold it while he lowers his own.  Yes, they have kissed before, but not like this.  This will be his silent profession to her.  This will be him trying to stall time for them alone._  
 _Arms around his waist, Rose pushes on the small of his back in encouragement.  He doesn’t wait another moment and surrounds her unpainted full ones.  Pulling and suckling on them his hand releases her chin only to clamp to the back of her neck and take the kiss deeper.  This is not a matter of just needing physical companionship, he NEEDS Rose.  The firework in his life.  The spark of his life._  
 _Her hands grip and clutch at him, clinging to his passion.   Regripping, her hand gets tangled under his shirt and feels his bare skin.  His gasp pulls the air of her lungs.  Already he has pulled and push so much life in her life.  Now it’s her turn._  
 _Boldly, she slides both hands under his shirt and up his strong spine.  Boldly he cups her broad hip and plunges the kiss even deeper.  Hungrily, she takes his gift.  Hungrily, he thrives on her touch.  Tongues tangle like their life has._  
 _He is not going to let anything stop him if he can help it.  Daleks be damned.  Black holes be cursed.  Fractured universes be fu-_  
 _Rose is not going to let him retreat again.  She knows he needs to express his hearts’ desires and passion.  She will not let him fumble behind words or cuteness.  Keeping her arms around him, steps back pulling him with her.  The kiss slows down and then pulls back so he can look into her eyes.  Is this all she wants or is she willing to let him show her more of his love?_  
 _All she gives is a doey look and a broad smile stepping back again.  Bad thing was that it was right off the platform and onto a lower step losing her balance.  In nothing, he clutches her back to his chest leaning back.  This is the moment when he would normally say something cheeky and she would banter it right back.  Not this time, his eyes are far too serious for any jokes.  His breath is too caught to laugh.  He has her in his arms and he never wants to let go or fail her._  
 _In nothing flat he has dipped an arm beneath her knees picking her feet up off the floor.  In nothing flat her arms are around his neck and ready to let him lead her away again._  
 _He doesn’t look at her, making his way down the metal steps, over the tubing and wiring down a hall.  Rose is surprised when he doesn’t take her to her room but well down the hall to another room.  With a nudge of his shoulder, pushes the door open.  Although he really doesn’t need to, he kicks the door back shut.  Here he is surrounded by bits and pieces of his life.  Knickknacks and gifts, painful reminders of all the lives that have slipped through his fingers.  Tonight, he hopes to add a memory to this room that no one but he will ever see._  
 _Lowering her feet to the floor, he waits for her reaction.   They never really talked about his bedroom seeing how he rarely uses it anyways.  He needs very little sleep and when he does, he always sleeps better where he can hear TARDIS’ pulse.   Tonight, he needs to fell another’s pulse.   Tonight, he needs another to feel his pulse.   Tonight, he needs to show her his love like only a couple others have ever known._  
 _Some of his kind had been rather frivolous in their promiscuous ways.  This was one of the jokes made about him was that he was too immature to ‘complete the act’ or exploit his ’lordness’.   If only they knew the truth.   He knows exactly what it means to bestow your kisses and caresses on another.  Bombs and Black Holes may destroy planets and solar systems, but frivolous actions and playboy antics break hearts which are far more valuable and brittle.  He knows that his would shatter if he was treated in such fashion thus vowed never to treat another’s affections in such a way._  
 _So he was labeled as either immature, a prude, or even heartless.  Only a rare few know how much intimate moments touch and devastate him.  Rose is one of them now. She will see how much she moves him if she…_  
 _His thoughts are broken by the feel of soft hands on his belly.   Looking down he sees she is unbuttoning his shirt from the bottom up. He doesn’t have to ask if she wants this, she’s showing him.  No, she’s giving him her attentions, with a kiss to the underside of his chin with the slightest touch of a tongue tip.  The gentlemanly thing for him to do is to reply.   So he pans a hand across her hip and down, dipping his own lips to nuzzle along her cheek until he reaches her neck and nips in.  Leaning into it, it‘s her silent need for more._  
 _She‘s seen him kill, she knows he can.  She‘s seen him live, which is harder for him than to kill. Her hand reaches into his nape clinging to his hair and not letting him retreat.  For that, he opens his mouth and bites.  Not enough to bleed, just enough to let her know, her life is his sustenance right now.  The pulse coming from that vein against his tongue he needs to feel throbbing.  Rose whimpers, panning her hands across his bare chest to feel both hearts are racing.  He moans against her throat feeling her touch him right where he aches the most:  his double life: blessed and cursed at the same time._  
 _It’s not a race to get unclothed and closer to each other.  It’s not lust.  It’s need.  Companionship-need to touch and feel against each other.  To know that their time is right here, right now.  This is forever has come._  
 _No one dares say anything.  Hands explore, kisses taste, limbs entwine.   Soft moans, croons of encouragement, gasps of stimulation._  
 _This is real.  This is no dream. This is no fabrication.  This is no mental twist.  This is really here and now._  
  
 _Doctor entwines his fingers with hers as he pins them to bed beside her shoulder and looks into her large expectant eyes.  She knows he’s ready to join them, but that he needs to tell her something before he does.  It’s not that they had agreed not to speak, it was just a mutual feeling.  But now, the way his throat is moving swallowing down his silent words, he is wrestling weather to say something before he moves to bring them physically-intimately together.  She knows he needs to speak.  The softest nod of her chin, she will allow him to break the unspoken agreement._  
 _His face falls in relief, knowing that even after he says this, she will keep the sacred silence.  This relief is such a whoosh, that even his eyes close as his body lays completely across her.  He has to release one hand to brace a forearm to the bed.  Nesting the hand into her hair so he can to turn her ever so slightly and bring his lips to her ear.   There she hears the most beautiful sound in all the universe.  His natural name._  
 _Rose whimpers.  Nuzzling her ear to his lips again, she begs him to say it again.   Sweetly, he whispers it this time with a smile._  
 _It’s not good enough for him though.  He needs to see her.  So he presses up and looks into her eyes saying it once more.   He wasn’t expecting to see tears streaming down her face with a dawing smile.  She is rewarded with his own blushing dawed smile and a plucked kiss.  Yes, she knows she will never be able to say it, so he said it for her.   She also knows that not only have very few been with him like this, but even less have heard his natural name._  
 _Now it’s time and Rose’s freed hand slides down his trim side to round over his narrow lovely rump.   With a sliding part of her thighs, she presses him again.  She’s done waiting for the end of time.  Time is up._  
 _Wisely he takes her cue and moves.  With a soft rise of his hips, he watches her face for signs.  What he receives is a wide mouthed awe and a tilted back head.  It’s almost like her open mouth is releasing the pressure he presses forth from below.  Her mewled whine for more though lets him know, there is nothing but pure pleasure to be felt._  
 _He wants to take it so slow and let this last forever.  He curls, she mewls.  He wants to speak again, so does she.  She wants so badly to cry out his name, but knows she can’t. Crimping down on her hand, his own open mouth takes and swallows unspoken words from her while they climb further up that peak.  Her breath begins to hitch.  He begins to pant.  They are trying so desperately to keep from cresting over and hold on to what they have right here right now!_  
 _But time is not infinite.  Time is fleeting.  Time is temporary.  Time…has come._  
  
 _It’s a cry of anguish from both when time arrives and spills over into a pool of fading tendrils.  Seconds… minutes float away._  
 _Panting they look each other over to make sure the other is alright.  Silently they both nod:   yes and no are they alright.   No physical pain, just the release they both needed, but now that they have had a taste of it, …what?_  
 _Rose pulls him down taught against her length and then rolls them to their sides.  There limbs and hearts remain connected and tied together.  Here, they can feel each other cooling and calming together.  With a pinch of his toes, and pluck of her fingers, they pull the fabric over the top of them.   Once again his hand nests into her hair clutching her to his chest.  Pressed here Rose can hear the double-time patter of his life in her arms._  
 _With a warm intimate being against him again, he finds himself falling into a rare sleep.  In fact he falls asleep before she does._  
  
 _He is awakened by the feel of Rose sliding over his body again.   This time a more sensuous.  He is powerless to stave off his own desires.  Yes, he knows the true meaning of the word seduction and right now, he will let himself be used any way she sees fit._  
 _She bites him.  She grabs at him.  She claws at him.  She cries out for him.  She pins him and takes him._  
 _His own cries are no less wild than her needs.  If anything, she fuels his needs as he plunges into her want and own needs._  
 _Her legs wrap under his calves pinning them to the bed as her claws dig into his chest keeping his back pinned down.  What really has him completely at her will is the look in her unpainted eyes.   For this moment in time, he is hers and she is his.  Perfect companions.  Perfectly in sync._  
 _He was going to say something, but all that comes out is a grunt and a plea-filled whine letting her know he never wants her to let go.  He never wants them to be parted.  Ever.  His eternity is here with her now!_  
  
 _This time it’s his face to streak with tears when the end comes.  It the crash of reality.  He does not want to show his disappointment to this ending.  She does not want him disappointed, so she just collapses atop him and he wraps his arms around her._  
  
 _This time they slept until TARDIS made a sound.  Her call of reminding him he has a duty to the rest of the universe.  Ever so carefully, he eases himself out from under his lover.  He doesn’t even dare kiss or touch her in fear of waking her.  No, leave her asleep in peace._  
 _So he silently gathers his clothes and heads out to the main control….._  
  
“No, not me.  Mum,” Rose’s voice breaks through his memory.  
“Oh!”  He nods.  Right, of course.  Timelord DNA would never mix with humans in such a way.  Unless he was …human.  
  
  
****Fast forward  to Bad Wolf****  
Now he has left his human self with Rose and HE actually said the words he never could.  Now his human self can give Rose the family he couldn’t.  Now, his human self can die with her that he never can.  Now Rose can love him, but without him.  
  
Now Doctor has watched Sarah Jane go back to her son.  Martha go off to find love.  Donna to go on into a normal life.  
  
Closing the door to his TARDIS, he looks into her beating ‘heart’ again as she carries him away.  He looks into his lonely life again.  There is no one here.  No pretenses to hold up.  There is no one to protect and no one to lose.  There is… no one.  The tears and weight come down.  
  
TARDIS hears her Doctor’s hearts breaking again.  Dimming the lights to the control room, SHE sends out a tendril of HER love past his tear streaked gaze.   He lifts his head and watches it go down the hall.  Curious, he follows the trail of golden light.   There SHE takes him to his bedroom.  
   He’s just not sure he can enter it.  The blankets are still crumbled up where Rose had left them months ago.  TARDIS beckons him forward, but he doesn’t want to go.  Once more SHE pulls and he obeys if for no other reason than so HER own heart doesn’t break.  
   He knows he is alone except for HER.   SHE has always been here and he knows he needs to be more attentive to her.  
    “Shhh, it’s alright.  I’ll do as you bid and get some rest,” he calmly retorts.  
     The tendril flares to a soft warm glow.  It’s just them and SHE has already seen him at his most vulnerable time after time.  He really has nothing to hide from HER.  SHE is not ashamed of him, if anything… SHE loves him like no other ever.  
      The tendril curls around him as if to hug him and then backs away to the bed.  Once again, SHE is bidding him to rest.  So he strips himself bare and slides beneath the rumpled blankets pulling them over his shoulders inhaling the scent of his love with Rose.     
     Although TARDIS is around him constantly, he still feels lonely for companionship.  Is SHE jealous?  Is SHE angry?  
     Great just one more thing for him to wrestle with on tonight of all nights!   In love with Rose only to lose her to himself?  Watching Sarah Jane say no to living the end of her days with him?  Watching yet another of his children die?   And now, TARDIS depends on him and yet, he wants so much …more.  
     Maybe that’s what the second heart is for.  One for him and one for HER?  His body shudders and wracks with sobs as he buries his face into his pillow.  
    “I’m, sorry,” he tells them all.  
    “I have you…always” SHE tells him in a whisper as he sobs himself to sleep.  


End file.
